Cellular

Back in 2004, I used to write movie reviews for the USM student newspaper, the "Student Printz". Because I occasionally feel lazy, and it seems a shame that all of five people ever read these, I've decided to repost them here, in the original versions that emailed to my editor, Noel, all those years ago.

Despite falling into most of the typical snares for an action thriller, like absurd plot twists, lack of message, and plot holes Cellular manages to be entertaining enough so that you don’t notice these problems. Cellular is well acted, uses its gimmick basis well, and provides a successful skewering of the cell phone subculture.

Cellular opens with Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) being kidnapped by a gang of thugs shortly after sending her son off to school. The thugs led by Greer (Jason Statham) whisk her away to an old house where they lock Jessica in an attic, leaving her only after smashing the wall phone in the attic into little bits. However, Jessica is a high school Biology teacher, and apparently studied at the same college where the professor from Gilligan’s Island went, because in a matter of minutes she does a MacGyver with the phone, and makes a call. But the only phone she gets belongs to Ryan (Chris Evans) who is needless to say a little skeptical about a kidnapping plot on the other end of his phone. Ryan is your typical college student, irresponsible, lazy but after hearing one of the other kidnappers threatening Jessica, decides to try and help her out. His only assistance comes from Sergeant Mooney (William H. Macy) who is on his last day of duty before he opens his own beauty parlor (“It’s a day spa!”).

Director David R. Ellis wastes no time in getting this movie on a roll, as Jessica is kidnapped within the first two scenes of the film. Thankfully, he also manages to keep the pace of the movie all the way to the closing credits (which are done on cell phone screens) which is probably the film’s greatest strength: it may be unbelievable in some places, but it keeps your attention well enough to where you don’t notice it. The acting is plausible (we’ll overlook that our Biology teacher heroine was about to leave for work wearing fishnet stockings), the movie is well executed and the dialogue goes just far enough to keep from being hokey. What is equally amazing is all the different ways that the cell phone is used not only as a prop, but also as a plot device. The hardest part about writing the whole movie was probably in just coming up with a few dozen ways to use a cell phone. Cellular never takes itself to seriously, and ends up just being a fun movie to just sit back and watch.

Should you manage to overlook Cellular’s gimmicky nature and plot holes, you may just find the movie to be surprisingly entertaining.